THE DAMSITE EXPRESS

     [This appeared in The Wilbur Register on Thursday, August 31, 1933.  Some of it is humorous, though perhaps not what we might find acceptable today; but some of it is actual (with a twist), including the mention of my grandfather, Sam Seaton and Robert Van Sickle, whom I had not been aware of being in the area of Lincoln County until I came across this clipping.  Further research will be required.]

tHe DamSitE eXpreSs
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VOL. 1--No. 2          Sunday, August 27, 1933          Price 5c (Inflated
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     M. O. R. Bull   Publisher
       C. L. McNown, Editor
       Al Meyers, Circulator
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          EDITORIAL NOTE

     Now is the time to subscribe to this up-to-date family weekly.  We offer no apologies for its miniature size.  Just bear in mind that the dam isn't very big yet, either, and as the dam grows in stature and importance, so will we.  The time is not distant when the metropolitan dailies of the country will be wondering how we do it, and, if you subscribe now you'll be convinced later on that you are getting the best dam paper by a damsite you ever read.  Bring in the dough or gold-dust, or what have you? while you can get in the ground floor.  The subscription price will move up along with the dam.
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Savage Animals Cause Woe Around Damsite

     Hank Berger, popular French chef at Al's Casino, was forced to send out an S. O. S. Friday morning.  After reading about Walter Barr's encounter with a large badger, Hank has been treading around pretty carefully, but on entering the Casino Friday morning a scene of confusion greeted him.  Investigation disclosed that the seat of his trousers, hung up for the night, was conspicuous by its absence.
     Quietly retreating from the desolate scene, he sent out a cry for help through the north end of the city.  Bravely, his friends responded to the call.  Entering the cafe, a hundred or more strong, armed to the teeth, they soon brought the pants-eating miscreant to an end.  It was a large pack rat.
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Laundry Changes Hands

     Fat Hung Low, rotund little gentlemen from the Orient, has taken over the Damsite Steam Laundry.  The consideration was not given out, but it is learned that he almost repented of the bargain when he discovered that he had to furnish his own steam.
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Casino Brings 'Em In From All Quarters

     Nearly 500 people visited the editorial offices of the Damsite Express Sunday, several states being represented, with one entry from New York.
     Among the visitors during the week were Senator C. C. Dill, Mrs. Rosalie Jones Dill and E. F. Banker.  John Duff, district highway engineer, paid a flying visit to the site one day, but would not be interviewed by the discerning reporter.
     While here Senator Dill sampled Hank Berger's new "Damsite Sandwich," pronouncing it good, especially when flavored wit ha "Dill" pickle.
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New Townsite to Be Called East Damsite

     Sam Seaton, captain of the ferryboat, has decided that so long as there is no limit to the number of townsites to be built in the vicinity, that he may as well start one on the east side of the river.  It is understood that in order that his town will get off to a "clean" start, he has been making overtures tot he management of the Damsite Steam laundry here, offering a location free on Main street of East Damsite, if the laundry will change its base of operations.
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Indian Celebration to Be a Colorful Affair

     Indians in full tribal regalia will go through the ceremonies incidental to inducting Senator C. C. Dill, Governor Clarence martin and Jas. O'Sullivan into the tribe on Labor Day, September 4.  Chief Willie Andrews and his followers will perform all the secret rites that make these ceremonies so spectacular.  The celebration will take place in Nespelem, "closest town to Damsite."  The day will start with a frontier days' parade, followed by a free barbecue, dancing and a general good time.
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Mrs. Vic Matson is Pinochle Champion

     Mrs. Vic Matson, winner of the pinochle tournament, is looking for new fields to conquer.  If a suitable opponent cannot be found at Damsite, it hoped that some of the pinochle hounds from nearby towns will come forward.  Failing at that, she will be matched at seven-up with Chas. Osborn--or Dave Thomson, checker champion of the Big Bend.  The latter match would be something like these wrestling-boxing affairs--each to play his and her own style of game.
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Old-Timer Is Visitor

     Robert Van Sickle, old-time resident of the Wilbur section and cousin of Sam Seaton, is visiting at East Damsite.  He brought in our first light-globe, but as he failed to bring in any wire or juice, the electric globe has been hung up as an ornament until the dam is completed, when it can be used.
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"Too Many Pappoose"

     One of the tribe of noble Red Men and his family, journeying to Yakima from the Reservation Sunday, stopped at the Casino and purchased refreshment for the children.  When Al Meyers, courtly proprietor, rendered him his bill for the red pop, he dug down deep in his poke and remarked: "Ugh!  Too many pappoose."
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Has a New Name for a Mountain Canary

     "Champ" Matson, who, some day, will be able to point to the fact that he was the first white child at Damsite, and son of the mayor, calls all quadrupeds "Bow-wow."  Saturday, when he say his dad, clad only in shorts and shoes, bending over the wash-tub, he yelled an enthusiastic, "Bow-wow," and the populace is at a loss to figure out just what sort of an animal he had in mind.